Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
And yesterday I didn't write thrive thursday, but, I have been thinking about it. So, Here it goes. But, first, hit the play button on the video to have a christmas song playing while you read!
Monday, December 20, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
- i find it funny that when you mention "yeah, I am in nursing" how people (like random dude on chairlift) feels the need to divulge health issues and/or ask medical questions.
- it takes me at least a day to find my snowboarding legs.
- my triathlon muscles do not translate into snowboarding muscles. and that equates into massive muscle soreness today.
- after a day of snowboarding, I have no restraint in what I eat. everything looks amazing. especially beer and potato wedges.
- mental note: when riding through trees, do not stick your hands out in front of you to break a fall. you have done that before with a truck, while on a bike. it doesn't work out very well.
- it seems that as I am not 12 years old anymore, a helmet seems way more appropriate to allow me to feel safe.
- you will DEFINITELY run into someone you know, while at the hill. doesn't matter if there are 1000's of people there, spread over acres of mountain terrain. you will most likely see them on a lift, or in a restaurant at the end of the day.
- don't worry about "being that person" who holds the other's up. but, also remember to know your limits. ask what the run will be like before you follow people into the "out of boundary" trees.
- don't be disappointed about how much you "don't get to do this." be thankful for the time you do get to spend having loads of fun.
- dang. i gotta do this more. this is loads of fun.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
- lighter training week, due to 3 assignments, 3 final exams and 2 class presentations which all happen in the next 2 weeks.
- 5km santa shuffle on sunday morning.
- more weight to lose (i am down at least 4lbs since starting this whole "healthy eating challenge" 3 weeks ago)
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Last week, I had the chance to go to see Michael Franci and Spearhead play at the metropolis here in montreal. I went with three girls from nursing (who are not direct entry students... Look ma, I am making new friends!), who branched out on a limb, because they had never heard of him. I have been a “late arriver” on the Michael Franci scene amongst my friends, but here I am. And, I like it. We danced, we laughed, we jumped, and we sang along. He is a great performer, who seems genuinely thankful for the progress that he has made in musical career, and for his fans. It interacts amazingly, and he has great rapport with the people watching.
And, it got me thinking. I love music. Even more, I love LIVE music. I remember when I was young, I grew up going to the Folk Music Festival in Edmonton. Though, my first “real” concert was when I was 12. I dyed my hair green with kool-aid, and went with friends to the Greenday Dookie concert. I was hooked.
Live music is amazing. And, why do I say it can make someone thrive? Well, because I feel that many times, you thrive when you feel good. You thrive when you feel happy. You thrive when you feel connected to your environment.
And, live music can allow you to do these things. It can cause you to escape yourself a bit, and escape the surroundings of day to day life, to connect to the sound and the movement and the sights. to let loose and think. Or not think. To dance. Or to not dance. To be introspective. Or to not be introspective. And, it is sure that musicians have that way with words. That way that allows our thoughts to be expressed in sound, or in the poetry that is attached to the sound.
And, for me, it doesn’t matter if it is a reggae-dancehall-acoustic concert, or if it is a sit on the grass/in a coffee shop listening to someone strum a guitar, or if it is a stadium with 10’000 other people. It still lets me feel connected. And, that makes me feel like I can thrive. (especially when, I cannot play music very well myself! I am glad other people can!)
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
- sweet patagoina softshell jacket? check.
- shell mittens gotten for 3$ from MEC when i worked there? check.
- warm under gloves for those said mittens? check.
- Merino wool buff that can be a balaclava, neck warmer, scarf or head cover? check.
- fleece headband for ears? check.
- ski goggles? check.
- gortex pants? check.
- gaiters? check.
- good shoes and boots? check.
- base layers, midlayers (fleece)? check.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
- coaching dramas with rowing.
- too much work.
- having someone die while on a shift at the ICU (not my patient. but, a first none-the-less.)
- leaving victoria.
- not getting all my workouts in.
- slicing open a finger on a beer bottle that broke in transit in my bag on the way back from victoria.
- a nasty sinus infection.
- missing the boy i like.
- crying at the rowing gala due to pure overwhelmedness of the season.
- first indoor training ride.
- not getting out to go to church.
- having a nurse give me test results and subsequently say "Oh, i have no idea what that means. there is just a circle around it. i am just supposed to tell you to make sure you get a followup appointment in december."
- crying at the rowing gala due to how proud i am of everyone i coached this season.
- starting feeling like i am back on a regular training schedule.
- starting a "healthy eating challenge" with boy i like.
- michael franti concert on wednesday night... cause that is the sound of sunshine coming down.
- having adorable not-so-straight boys lick my face while laughing and laughing.
- finding a convenient master's swim team/triathlon team to swim with.
- the exceptionally warm weather.
- having the rear hub on my commuter bike fixed.
- working out. eating well. getting work done.
- the amazing things i am learning at clinical.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Monday, November 1, 2010
Most of the problems you are having is due to your diet change and activity change(possibly). You immune system is down because it is trying to battle the gut which is being forced to have items digested that it doesn't want to digest. Your diet for the past few years has not included some things and your body has enjoyed it. Now that you are reintroducing grains and meat, your body is trying to switch over and is not winning. Also, when you go from high activity to low activity, your body still produces adrenalin each day after you stop the high energy cycle as if you were continuing. If you don't train down, then that adrenalin accumulates and you end up feeling terrible, tired all the time, and depressed without having a reason for it.
The solution is to allow your body to recover. Get back to eating right and allow your immune system to increase without having to battle energy with all the other stuff. Whether you rest and allow the immune system to recover or begin to SLOWLY increase your activity to get it going again depends upon how your body responds. If you start to go to a workout and your body is saying it doesn't want to, then don't. Listen to what your body is telling you.
So, thanks, Dr Adams. And, thank you coach for getting me off my ass, and exercising again. Energy level? I highly anticipate your return. :) Here's looking forward to the 2011 season. May you be fast, and exciting, and even better than this past season.
finally, a few black and whites that the boy i like took during his visit to Montreal. his Flickr Page can be seen HERE:
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Today, it is simple. I wasn't sure what to write. i certainly have not felt like I have been thriving as of late. but, on my way back from work at the hospital today, I realized for the first time in quite a while, something that I have not talked about for a long time. Mostly because, to me, it is so simple. it is something that I love. Something that sustains me. Something that makes me thrive.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Thanks, everyone, for the nice words, and people checking in, and for caring. caring is really appreciated.
Sean was here this past weekend. And, it was delightful. he arrived on saturday morning, and i surprised him out at the airport. After a slightly terrifying drive into the city (can I say... never been to this city?! "Look at that building! it's made of brick!" "No Sean, LOOK AT THE ROAD! AHH! red light!" ), we met a few friends for a delicious morning breakfast at Faberge, then took off for the eastern townships. We made stops along the way, mostly including Abbaye St. Benoit Du Lac which includes monks that make cheese and cider. And beautiful walking/prayer trails through the trees. we then made our way to the little town that we were staying in for the weekend, Magog, and the B&B.
Magog is a beautiful little town, and very proud owners of their lake monster, Memphre (yup, apparently everyone has a strange french cousin. Even the loch ness monster, and the ogopogo). We walked around, took photos (ok, sean took photos), and then left, to make a day to be foodies. Things we ate: wine. chocolate. apple cider. Tart. hot chocolate. flat bread pizza. raclette. salad. YUM! On monday, we pretty much just did nothing. it was not a nice day outside, and I was not feeling good. so, Slept in late, walked around the adjacent, fairly trendy, adjacent neighbourhood to mine, Mile End, returned the rental car, and then hunkered in to watch some episodes of "Modern Family" (which, btw, is my newest favourite, hilarious, show).
Friday, October 22, 2010
I know that my post from wednesday was apparently upsetting to some people. I had a huge # of hits on my site, people phoning me out of the blue (like my mother!), and sending me emails saying super nice things like "hang in there" and "you will get through this." and "why didn't you tell me you were in the ER?"
and, that is somewhat the reason why I hesitate in writing things like that. Not because i don't appreciate what people have to say, or that I dislike the encouraging words. in fact, they are amazing. you, my friends, are amazing.
but, i just don't like it when people over react. people have bad days. they have bad weeks, bad months, and bad years. and, sometimes, a vent just needs to happen. It doesn't mean that something drastic is going to happen, or that the person thinks that the world is going to collapse, or that they are not going to make it through. it just means they need a vent. and, as long as they know what they need to do to help cope through the moment, generally, it is going to be okay.
but, yes. Physically, I am feeling a bit better. not fantastic. just better.
So, thank you for your concern. I just don't want you to be overly concerned ;)
Sometimes I know how I want to deal with things, other times I don't. sometimes i want to talk about it, other times i don't. But, one thing that i do know is that the boy I like is coming from edmonton to visit this weekend. And, despite the crappy week i have felt, this makes me happy. we will go and play in the fall colours of the eastern townships. drink good wine, and eat good food. we will hang out with friends, and be with just us. photos will be taken. french will be laughed at. and enjoyment will be had. yay :)
Thursday, October 21, 2010
But as I thought about it I realized….this is a really difficult question. Over the past couple of weeks I’ve gone through a few things that I thought make me thrive, but nothing really clicked. Sure, for the moment that I was experiencing a particular thing it made me feel alive. But on a regular, day-to-day basis? I couldn’t really put into words the things that I love. Which was discouraging. Not having words is like not having a mouth. What do you do without a mouth?
And then today, completely out of nowhere, I came across this Adrienne Rich poem, “From an Atlas of the Difficult World.” So I looked back at Amo’s “rules” and saw that it can be a piece of art or a quote or whatever and so I will take the easy way out and give you someone else’s words:
I know you are reading this poem
late, before leaving your office
of the one intense yellow lamp-spot and the darkening window
in the lassitude of a building faded to quiet
long after rush-hour. I know you are reading this poem
standing up in a bookstore far from the ocean
on a grey day of early spring, faint flakes driven
across the plains' enormous spaces around you.
I know you are reading this poem
in a room where too much has happened for you to bear
where the bedclothes lie in stagnant coils on the bed
and the open valise speaks of flight
but you cannot leave yet. I know you are reading this poem
as the underground train loses momentum and before running
up the stairs
toward a new kind of love
your life has never allowed.
I know you are reading this poem by the light
of the television screen where soundless images jerk and slide
while you wait for the newscast from the intifada.
I know you are reading this poem in a waiting-room
of eyes met and unmeeting, of identity with strangers.
I know you are reading this poem by fluorescent light
in the boredom and fatigue of the young who are counted out,
count themselves out, at too early an age. I know
you are reading this poem through your failing sight, the thick
lens enlarging these letters beyond all meaning yet you read on
because even the alphabet is precious.
I know you are reading this poem as you pace beside the stove
warming milk, a crying child on your shoulder, a book in your
because life is short and you too are thirsty.
I know you are reading this poem which is not in your language
guessing at some words while others keep you reading
and I want to know which words they are.
I know you are reading this poem listening for something, torn
between bitterness and hope
turning back once again to the task you cannot refuse.
I know you are reading this poem because there is nothing else
left to read
there where you have landed, stripped as you are.
I don’t know what it was about this particular poem on this particular day. Maybe because I am at least three of the people she is describing at any given time. I know what it is to hunger and thirst for words, whatever they may be. Maybe because on days like today, when I struggle to find words of my own, I turn eagerly to anyone else’s. These are the days I wind up with an armful of new books because everyone else says it better.
I guess the answer to the question “what makes you thrive?” for me, is words. But Amo already covered that. So how do I say it differently? I agree that there are power in words. They have the ability to convey an emotion, an idea, or a belief in a way that can leave me wanting to shout from rooftops, “Yes! Yes! This is exactly what I was trying to say!”
Words can change people or things. They can raise up or tear down nations. We are a world founded on words. It wasn’t until God named things into existence that we had day and night and man and woman and land and sea. Without words we would still be formless and empty.
The right words can make us feel like we aren’t the only ones who feel a certain way. The right words can make us feel like we belong to something bigger, like we are a part of something. We need words to survive. Without words we are nothing.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
so, I had mid-term exam yesterday. In a class called Clinical assessment and therapeutic nursing. or something like that. It is a under-grad nursing class about technical things: fluid balances, and electrolyte balances, and acid-base balances, and post-surgical care. Stuff that nurses need to know. Also stuff that we learn. in. clinical. and, really, it is the only mid-term exam that I have, so, I shouldn't be complaining. Some people have it much harder.
I could've not taken my exam yesterday... I had a doctor's note. I was ill on Monday. I thought that there was something really wrong going on with me. so, i went to the ER. For the 2nd time in as many months. It has me feeling like at hypochondriac. and, each time, it has not been something serious, and has been something very treatable. which is good. but, it is slightly embarrassing. I was at the ER from about 2:30 and arrived back home at 10:15pm. and, not going to lie. The ER waiting room is not very conducive to studying.
but, what was my alternative? Write the exam later? when I am not motivated to study, because i have more school work building up? or have to write it next week, when my boyfriend is coming for 4 days this weekend to visit (YAY!)? or have my final be worth 100% of my grade?! not very compelling alternatives. the worse of two evils. and, i had studied some. I wasn't feeling great, I am feeling exceptionally tired these days, but, i deducted that it was better than waiting. so, i wrote the mid-term yesterday.
And, i don't feel good about it. I mean... I know that I could've done better. i am kinda worried about what my grade is going to be. and, i guess it kinda sheds light onto something that has been in the back of my head, for a while... I am tired of school. i am in my 2nd M.Sc degree. I am pretty much in my 8th (ish) year of post-secondary education. and, i know this is just one exam. a small part of a bigger picture. but, the more i think about it, the more i am worried about it.
i love learning. i love nursing. i love that i have the opportunity to have this many years of education, when many people in the world can barely send their children to school. i love thinking, and challenging my knowledge base.
but, i don't love focusing on cramming numbers into my head that I know I will have a sheet to tell me what the right values will be, when I should be focusing on learning what the outcomes and longer-term results might be. I don't love being broke all the time. I don't love feeling like i should be succeeding, yet, for some reason, hitting barriers that are restricting me. I don't like feeling that I have to prove myself to be better than others have opportunities that expand my knowledge, or teach me. I don't like being tired all the time. i don't like projects where your grade depends on other people. i don't like having to feel like I have to put relationship to the side, in order to achieve tasks. i hate knowing that I know one exam has never, in my life, changed my fate (okay... well, except that exam), so, I shouldn't stress about it.
but, this exam, in particular, reminded me a few things. i am tired. I am feeling like my brain is incapable of translating the information onto the paper into practical knowledge. for the first time in a very long time, I am feeling like i don't want to do this, despite wanting the outcomes, and knowing that I have too. i am feeling defeated. i have felt ill more this fall than I have felt over many years... like something is just not right in my body. (on another note, the ER doc suggested that I might want to get my thyroid checked. in a way, it would kinda be nice to know if some of the things I am feeling is due to some imbalance. on the other hand, i don't like the idea of having something wrong with me. and, on the 3rd hand~ if I don't have hypothyroidism, then it just means that i am in a slump, and this is just emotional.)
the end. that is all. hopefully it will get better. i know it will. these things never last.