Tuesday, March 7, 2017

living with three dogs...

recently, you may have read in our family christmas newsletter a bit about our family story with depression.  One of the amazing things that came out of that was the amount of people who reached out and said things like "I never knew" and "thanks for saying something" and "i'd be glad to talk."  The moment you say something is the moment you take away shame and secrecy.   The most touching gift was one from Ontario.  A small book.

As you know, we have two dogs: the lovely distinguished big dog (ilala) and the crazy wild little dog (arrow).
However, this book reminded me of the third dog we live with... A black dog.  You can see the story in the following video.  I had a black dog, his name was depression. on Vimeo.  It's a World Health Organization illustration, and it does a good job with the metaphor.

One of the problems though, is that i really recognize, now, more than ever, some of my concepts and beliefs about recovery from mental illness: and how some of those concepts don't align between my personal belief system, and my progressional knowledge.

For instance, a recent struggle I have faced: is recovery from illness mean living symptom free? or does it mean coping with the symptoms that may continue to plague you?  I mean, if a person defines recovery as "symptom free," and I believe that may not actually be possible, how does that affect my actions/reactions/conversations? is that selling the person short, and losing hope? or, alternatively, is it being realistic?  If a person defines recovery as "symptom free" and recovery is defined by a person's own goals, than is that what we strive for?

That's hard for me to wrap my head around.  I struggle with that.

Meanwhile, I am doing something called "the five marks of love" as a study through this Lenten Season.  Hopefully to have me feel a bit more connected to my anglican roots, and to provide me something to meditate on occasionally.

this week, the first "mark of love" is tell.  We are encouraged to ask 5 people some of the following questions: How have you known and received the love of God? What for you is the Good News of the gospel? What do you understand the Kingdom of God to be and how has this influenced the way that you live in the world?

Would you be willing to share that with me? I would love to hear and have you share that good news. 

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Book Suggestions

Earlier in the year, I asked a few friends about suggestions for books that they would recommend for my study this year.  I can tell already that it will take a little bit of effort on my behalf... I have not regularly read books for quite a while, so I will have to actually carve out the time.

Maybe i can cut out the time when I normally watch the bachelor (ugh, can we just take a moment to say that Nick V is SO lame? but how excited are we for the next season of the bachelorette?!)  to read a bit about spirituality and suffering.

SO, here is the main list of books and authors suggested.  I will have to pick out the ones I will actually read, caus this is way to much to get through.   I wonder if anyone has any suggestions as to a order I should attempt to read them in...  Any thoughts? Does anyone want to join me in reading some of these?

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Here we come, 2017

The new year is here, and I haven't written my "100 best things of 2016" post yet.  I promise I will write it before the end of the month!  If you got our Christmas newsletter, you will know that 2016 wasn't always a walk in the park. It was not bad, it just was not always easy.  Honestly, I don't know that 2017 will be any easier, but I certainly know that I have many things I am already looking forward too.

Of course, one might ask if I have New Years resolutions.  I didn't have any, until today.  One of them is blogging more... sitting at my computer, and writing out my thoughts.  I have used this blog over the years for many reasons, but this year, I don't want to write about the things I have written about before.  Of course, posts might contain thoughts on racing, adventure, dogs, work, etc... cause, that's me!  But I want to get back to writing for the therapeutic aspect of it. I am going to write about being in the wife of someone who lives with depression. I'm not going to talk about the depression in particular, because that is my beloved's story to tell, when he is ready to tell it.  I will also not betray his confidence in me or break his trust.  But, I am willing to talk about me.  Because, if we are silent, depression wins.  I won't let it win.  We must talk, because this is not a secret or anything to be ashamed about.

My second resolution is to study the spiritual aspect of suffering.  I am a Christian, and as a Christian, I trust that the Lord has this in his control.  In fact, the lord suffered in his love for us.  But I don't claim to understand suffering.  I have suffering every day in my life.  In my family, with my friends, in my work, and in the world.  I have people I love very dearly, who are suffering right now.  Where do we understand the Lords love within this suffering?  If you have books, or a study you would like to send my way, please do.

Finally, I know this is going to take vulnerability, and that is not easy. But Just because I might right something, it does not necessarily mean I want to talk to you about it.  I may, I may not, but please respect me on that.  I welcome you to journey with me.

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Fall days

It's raining and it's the fall.  October apparently had the most frequent days in a row of rain that has ever happened.  Like, 28 of 31 days or something crazy like that.  Bleh. 

Let's talk about happy things! 
Once again, I am stoked to represent Betty Designs in 2017!  This team has been such a wonderful group to be a part of.  Not just amazing gear, but the friendships and fun.  I'm excited for new pursuits (hello, off road triathlon!) and for continuing to build my connection with this group of amazing women! 

I'm in a Friday night social league.  This sport is a whole lot of fun & perfect for the dreary nights.  Getting to know a different group of people in Squamish (ahem, the former mayor was my skip for a week), and learning something that requires a totally different set of skills than what I use in racing. 

My doggie.  She's the best and oh so hilarious. We are also nearing the one year anniversary of getting her first head lump removed, and she's still with us.  I'm grateful for that.

Also: interesting observation.  When we moved to Squamish, there was reportabley a dearth of Christians in the region.  However, odd thing is that we have come to realize that the majority of the people we are meeting here are Christians. Not the typical "brand" that we have traditionally known, but I'd say more Christians than who we were hanging out with in Vancouver.  So... We're still not chilling with Anglicans, or getting the Eucharist regularly, but I do think we can anticipate having a good Christian community around us.  I also think it will expose us to a community that we are not used to being in... Which is good. 

So, that's a quick update.

Monday, September 19, 2016

Summer in Squamish

Oh boy!  I can't believe that it is already September.  The summer has passed so quickly, and fall is certainly in the air.  Sometimes I wonder if it is because I didn't have any focused race periods, or builds, or whatnot.  Or, perhaps it was because of the consistency with the Malawi walking challenge. I'm just not sure.  But here is a quick recap, with some of the summer highlights. 

1) going to Edmonton and DNFing a triathlon 
I went to Edmonton on a lovely trip with Sean to see friends, visit family, bury/remember my sister, celebrate my birthday and compete in GWN triathlon. It was quick, but filled with fun and love.  

2) Malawi walking challenge 
500km of walking in 50 days.  Basically... Lots of lovely walks, some fundraising, lots of reflection on how to keep Warm Heart Initiatives going strong. 

3) Squamish 50km.  
It was hard and it was fun.  I cried, laughed, trotted, walked, balanced, and felt like I was accomplishing a great feat,  
In the mountains of Squamish! I met my expectations, loved the aid stations, and understand why people can get hooked. 

4) kayaking desolation sound with Sean, Sam, and Gretchen. 
So lovely to have our yearly catchup with dear friends.  Spent some days kayaking in a beautiful location in BC, camping on cliffs and poking at sea creatures.  Hard work, nice rewards. Kayaking is adventurous and fun! 

5) Challenge Penticton 
I entered and participated in my first Cross triathlon! That was 1.5km open water swim, 28km mountain bike and 10km trail run.  It was so much fun,super supportive   and a hard challenge. It was nice to be in Penticton for another triathlon year.  I got to catch up with some Bettydesigns.com teammates while I was out there, meet a hero of mine (Silken Laumann( and had an altogether great couple days.  Also, I qualified for world championships next year!  Yay!