Social Awkwardness

Recently, i have had conversations about how the 3 different disciplines of triathlon always cause a little bit of a different result in terms of what i think about, or focus on, during my workout.   In swimming, I am totally able to focus on technique, my mind doesn't wander very often, and i like to focus in on exactly what i am doing, feeling, and seeing.   In  biking, I tend to think about the now.  what is going on in my life now, what are the conversations I am experiencing, what is going on later in the day, or this week, or what just happened.  In running, i tend to experience the deep emotions.  I either feel like crying, and work through the hard things, or I become exceptionally inspired, and feel like I can change the world.

This past sunday was a great training day.  I am finally starting to believe that I will be able to finish Challenge Penticton. In August, I will finish 3.8km of swimming, 180km of biking, and 42 km of running.  I know it.  

Back to thinking about social awkwardness.  yesterday, on my 120 km bike ride, I had a lot of time to think about the now.  I had already completed a morning swim, coffee with my love, and then Church.  My church, St James Anglican, is awesome.  Sometimes, though, there is a bit of a surprise as to who you might encounter.   And, that. is. ok.

yesterday, there was a fellow visiting, who you could tell that he was not quite socially appropriate. In the middle of the service, he would turn around and wave at people.  When I made an announcement at the end of the service, he waved at me.  He liked to interrupt conversations.  ONe of my friends said that this fellow walked up, broke into a conversation and stated "Hi, I'm...  I have a disability called aspergers. Who are you?"  He was very kind, acted younger than his self-stated "in my 40's."  He introduced himself to myself and my beloved, and also inappropriately hugged me at least 3 times.  Now, I am OK with hugs.  even from strangers.  however... it was very easy to tell that he did not quite get social ques.  Being understanding of his situation, i was not feeling uncomfortable, but I did let him know what was appropriate, and what was not... i.e. hugging is ok, but only if it is a short period of time, and you don't linger on a woman's waist.  Handshakes with strangers are normally better.  it was awkward, but, I deal with awkward and inappropriate every day at work.  

On my Bike ride yesterday, that got me thinking.  Aren't we ALL socially awkward or inappropriate at one point?  I can think of a good number of incidents in the last few months where I realized that I was totally not hitting social queues. for me, it generally relates to speaking before thinking.  It difficult to write these out without giving too much away, but i'll try.

• Clost to last christmas, when we invited some brand new friends over for dinner, I told a story which was probably WAY to personal and revealing than most new friends probably would need to know.  They laughed through it, but they very well could have been cringing on the inside.
• I recently introduced some friends of mine, to a new colleague.  These friends have a unique living situation, where they might wish to tell someone on their own time, other than having me tell someone about it.  But, I blurted it out within about 5 minutes of the introduction.  I realized half way through the situation that it was probably totally inappropriate.
• I also recently was having dinner with some very close friends, where I asked if something serious was a joke;  I ended up hurting them quite significantly with this comment.
• I am an extrovert, i like meeting new people in new situations, but I still feel quite socially awkward in new situations with a lot of new people.  Imagine how much more that is for introverts.  Yet, I consistently ask introverts to place themselves into situations like that.

there we have it.  a few examples where social awkwardness or inappropriateness have occurred in my life.  What gets me about this, is that we forget that other people might just be experiencing a moment of social awkwardness at any point.  Or, we think that we are the only people who experience this.  How wrong we are!  

I don't really have a end to this thought, just that how often we are so off.  And, i guess the point is that we ought to have grace and understanding with people... I guess the point is, if we are realizing that we are socially awkward, or inappropriate, at any point, how do we react to it?  How do we treat others who do something that we realize is not quite right?  I saw treat ourselves, and others, with grace.  They are just having a moment.  And, remember... when you are having one of those moments... get over it!  we all do it.  think about it, reflect on it, learn from it, and move on!  whatever you do, don't let that moment restrict your actions in the future, cause I am almost positive that the other people got over it as well.  if they didn't, just apologise, and hope that they understand in the future!

That is it for now!  I am off for my long run for the week.  Maybe I will be inspired to change the world. 

St George 70.3 Race Report Part 2

Wow.  May is almost over, and I still haven't written part two of my race report!  I need to get on it, as soon I will have other races done, and more reports to write!  It is a rainy rainy spring day here in Vancouver~  it seems a bit more like winter, honestly.  But, despite the sun not shining, you can count on me getting out to New Brighton Park, and swimming in that outdoor pool.  Its pretty much one of my favourite things about the summer.  Outdoor pools.  Here is a instagram of the pool the other day.

now, what I am going to do about the bike ride that is on tap, i am not quite sure.  For now, I will drink coffee, write my blog, and go finish painting the new colours in my washrooms.  I'll think about my bike later.  Finally, I am turning 30.  For my 30th birthday, I want 30$ for Malawi.  Go here to see what I am talking about.

St George 70.3 Bike

Oh Man, what a course.  I had driven about 3/4 of the course the night before the race, and I knew that there would be some good climbs, some good downhills.  

The first big hill was about 5km out of transition, and I felt good.  The sun had not quite come all the way over the mountains yet, so it was still a little cool.  No complaining there, and just happy to be feeling awesome.  I had NO idea how many women of my agegroup were out in front of me, or behind me.  But, I was doing some passing of people, and some other people were passing me.  The roads were a bit bumpy, but nothing out of the ordinary.  Things started getting serious at about mile 20, where climbing picked up, and there was a turn into a neighbourhood that I wasnt expecting. 

there is nothing like thinking you're at the top of a hill, and then there is another 2 miles. Oh well. 

I was enjoying the bike, and feeling solid.  I felt like I was getting enough nutrition in.  Then, all of a sudden, there were the bits that I wasn't expecting... a few sections of riding bikepaths through Southern Utah neighbourhoods.  Love that they added a a bit of alleycat racing on tribikes into this race.  Finally, we started climbing the canyon.  I had heard mixed reviews... everything from "it's a killer!" to "it's no big deal, manageable."   Let's sum it up like this... at the start of the climb, I was moving at about 30km/hr.  At the top, 360m higher in elevation, i was moving 9km/hr.  The best part was that my HR was consistant throughout. At least I wasn't pushing my bike.  I heard some people did that.

I turned onto the road home, and hit it on the down hill.  Felt AWESOME.  Until my left contact lens started itching, and flipping in my eye ball, and then fell out.  I rode and ran the rest of the race with no depth perception.  it sucked.  Also, at this point, I thought that i would need to go pee.  but, nope.  Nothing.  Crap.... not enough fuel over the course of this ride.  Rolled into T2, not terribly happy with my time, but not disappointed, either.  I was ready to get going on the run, but feeling that it was going to be a challenge.

t2: no big deal.  only tried to get a volunteer to find my contact lens in my eyeball.  that was unsuccessful.

run:

I get going, take in some fuel, and start going along.  The run was an out and back along a parkway, with two spurs.   On the St George Website, the elevation profile did not appear to be a killer.  I thought it would be challenging, but, I had. no. idea.

BAM.  within 2 miles, it was uphill.  And, I couldn't keep running.  i knew that this was a problem, but, at this point, I thought... "ok, no big deal, you'll get through the brick soon enough."  

I don't remember much about the run, except about how hard it was.  it was HOT, so I ran on the white lines, and grabbed ice/sponges when possible.  It was steep, so I power walked with purpose going up the hills.  I hadn't peed at all during the race, so I took as much liquid and fuel as possible during the aid stations.  There were a lot of women in my AG passing me, and that was hard on the competitive mind set, so i often ran saying "running as slow as ever, is faster than your fastest walk." I had to refrain from crying many times, and I just prayed that I would make a sub-2hr 1/2 marathon. That wouldn't happen.

I started picking it up, when I knew that it was downhill to home.  Then, there was that second spur.  and, it was uphill.  At that point, i just about had it.  I think this was about that point.  I finished off the race, with tears streaming down my face. When i got a side stich, that was it... I couldn't hold it in, and frankly, as dehydrated as I was, it kinda surprised me that I still had liquid in my body to cry.  When someone cheered "keep that smile on your face!" i kinda laughed, because it wasn't a smile... it was a grimace.  But, I was done.  I didn't have a terrible finishing time, but i felt defeated.  I felt sore and tired.  I felt successful for finishing the hardest race that I have ever done. there were so many emotions, wrapped into one.

Post race, i was not happy.  What I was happy about was being able to meet, and go out for dinner with Erin and her hubby, Tim.  IT was great to meet two people who are so easy to get along with, and who understand what you just experienced.  

top 5 things i would do different:

1) more running of hills prior to race day.

2) more training at elevations other than sea level.

3) take in more fluid and nutrition on the bike, especially when it is hot. train for this.

4) do not fly to race the day before. relax more on the day before the race.

5) Remember that it is just a triathlon.  Its not totally worth crying about. 

I do believe that we need races like this, to remind us that what we do is hard.  To remind us that it doesn't come naturally, and it takes time, dedication, and effort.  If every race that I had is a PB, or a successful finishing placement, or was hard enough, but not so hard that i think "i've got this under my belt,"  then I honestly don't think that I would improve.  We need races that kick our ass.  So that we can go back and try again.  Improve on what we did.  Be defeated, so that we can rise up and succeed.

and, that is why i will go back next year. 

St George 70.3 Race Report part 1: pre-race, and swim

It has been just over one week from St George 70.3 "US pro championship" race.

Last year, after the Vancouver Subaru 1/2 Iron, I stated "it's hard to say which race is the hardest race I've ever done."  Well, I am 95% sure that I am confident to state that this was BY FAR the hardest race I have ever done.  And, im glad that I have waited a week to write this report.  It takes a while to digest races like St George.

As my newest Vancouver Triathlete friend, Erin, stated, when Ironman made this race the US pro championships, registration SOARED.  I barely got registered, as on Facebook, it stated that there were only 5 slots left. So, as planned, back in feb, I was registered.  It would be my first race in the (what I perceive as) super crazy fast new agegroup: females 30-34.  I counted the other registrants in my AG... 140.  WHAT THE?!?!  really? This kinda made me nervous.  And, when I saw that the super inspirational Sonja W was going to be racing, i knew... I knew it would be a competitive day.

here we go:

Pre-race
mistake #1: flying the day before the race.  I flew from Bellingham, on alaska Airlines. Honestly, this all went perfectly.  The anxiety came with the fact that I had about 5 hours to get my bike, rental car, meet my mum at the Vegas airport, and drive to St George to register and check my bike.  One day also does not give enough time to adjust to heat in the desert, an elevation gain of 1000m, and an hour time difference.  I was SO stressed out, and could not relax the day prior to the race.  That night was not very restful.

that being said, i got the bike checked in 10 minutes before close, was able to drive 1/2 the bike course, have a great dinner, and was there.  I made it.  Southern Utah is BEAUTIFUL... The town of St George is welcoming, and a perfect size for a race.  the area around town has more activities than you can possibly do in a 4 day trip.

Race morning was normal.  beautiful morning.  A B&B 4 blocks from T2/finish, meaning I could walk to the race shuttles, who gave us packed morning breakfasts. no wind, perfect weather. LOTS OF BIKES!  It took a while to go to the toilet, but i did.  less than 10mins prior to my start time.  Yikes.

Swim:
I placed myself close to the front of swarm of 30-34 year old women.  and i looked around.  Man.  are they fit.  They look awesome.  We waded into the water for the floating start, and it was cold.  somewhat expecting this,  I gave positive self talk, and dunked my head a few times, tried to get some water into the wetsuit, and told myself to chill out.  Don't go out too fast, or else you will have a hard time breathing.

race mistake #2: no open water/cold swims prior to race day.

it was a good swim.  Not *amazing,* but good.   the start was interesting as one woman turned around and said "hey!  what is everyone doing, pushing up here?  if you are going to swim sub-30, you should be here..."  I knew I would be 32ish.  One thing that I was really happy with was how straight I went.  Garmin says the swim was a bit long.  

The beginning of the swim took a while to get going, but i was super happy with the clenliness and clam state of the water...  but, I definitely had a few moments of breathlessness.  so, it was just a race of keeping consistant.  try to keep the arms going at a reasonable pace, sight properly, and don't get stuck up behind people.  While I was swimming, I thought there were maybe 6 or so women in bright green caps ahead of me.  I  could see a lot of them during the swim.  I was kinda bummed when I found out that my result was 16th in AG, at the end of the race.  

Swim Details 

Division Rank: 16

Split Name	Distance	Split Time	Race Time	Pace	Div. Rank	Overall Rank	Gender Rank
Total	1.2 mi	32:15	32:15	1:40/100m	16	263	58

T1:  I ran out of the swim, happy. this was the first and last time that I saw my mum during the race, cheering for me.  I was happy to be there, nice to have wetsuit strippers, helped out another guy who couldnt find his zipper, and got on the way.  Everything had to be stuffed into a bag, with nothing on your bike.  It's kinda annoying to get have to get that rubber suit into a bag.  

So FAR, so good.  Getting on that bike, I was happy.

It's race week!

All of a sudden, I am racing a 1/2 ironman on saturday.  Not going to lie, it has kinda crept up on me, and as always, i have NO IDEA how I am going to do. I've already had my little freak out to Sean, where I complain that I haven't trained enough, and how it is going to be hot, and at elevation, and how there are more than 130 women in my age group.  that new, fast, age group   YOu know the one... those women who have been doing the sport long enough to be experienced, but not so long that their body is rebelling? WElcome to age group 30-34.  Welcome to St George, Utah.

It's going to be hot. In more ways than one!

meanwhile, I am doing things like this, to get me race ready...

i went to physio today, and he did acupuncture.  If you remember, in 2007, I had a bike crash that caused me to break both my arms.  It left me with one joint that was "good."  I.e.  never been fractured. But, since my arms are pretty much f'd up for the rest of my life, i am now experiencing pain, swelling and tendinitis in my "good" elbow.  Kinda sucks.

on friday, i will be flying to Vegas, to meet my Momma, hop in a car, and drive to St George, and get my race on.  This year has been such a year of transitions, and one of those has been learning how to train with a) a new team, and b) a new work schedule, and c) a husband.   because, you see, last season, i didn't have any of those things.  I was coming off a few months in Malawi, spent 3 months with McGill tri club, and then "coached myself."  With no commitments, As a student, I could train when I wanted, and how I wanted.  much to my surprise, i went fast.   I also was in a long distance relationship and unemployed, which meant i could place my training times whenever during the day, without sacrificing relationship time.  That is no longer true.   I have to be consistant, and I have to value my hubby's time.   I can't work out at 2 pm, cause im working.  I can't work out at 9:30pm, cause i have to get ready for work in the morning. 

Finally, we have this creature.  this creature who also needs things, like food and walks and attention and attendance at obedience class...  

 So, what does that all mean? 

am I going to succeed on Saturday?  Am i going to be able to rip it up, and run over that line with a smile on my face?  

Of course.  

'cause how could i not run over the line with a smile on my face?

i am a girl doing something that I love.  I live in a city that i love, with a partner that supports and loves me.  I have the world's most beautiful puppy.  I have Vancouver's most amazing nursing job.  I have a schedule that allows me to swim.bike.run. 

so, how can I not smile when I am done on Saturday?  I just have to trust in the process, and I know that i will be happy.


and, i just hope it doesn't hurt to bad.

Updating the blog

ai-eeeee!  I need to keep on top of this!  I just did 3 things to update:

1) Got rid of the photo page, as many were flickr, and I deleted that account quite a while ago.  But, go look at Sean's Photos on Flickr anyway.

2)  I updated the links page. Took a few away, added one or two.

3) I updated the "about me" page.  added some photos, made the Bio a little more accurate.

still more work to be done though.  Need to update that race result list, and maybe the background, and actually the posts.  I should post more.  Cause I like writing...

ciao for now!