On Grief and Transitions
Some folks have recently been asking me about how my chat went at Church a few weeks ago. I think it went really well, and I enjoyed the process of preparing for it. It was meaningful for me, and I think meaningful for the folks who heard me speak. At least I saw a few tears, which always mean something was relevant!
First, I want to ask you to think about a time in your life that you have experienced a significant transition. What emotions did you experience? Was it excitement, anticipation, fear, grief, loneliness?
For me, there have been a few notable times of transition.
Second, I want you to read the following Scripture readings:
Grief does not always equal suffering.
There is a difference between suffering for the sake of God, and personal suffering. We ought not confuse those things. While, as followers of Christ, we are often called into suffering with him, we also know of the redemptive power of christ. There are many examples in history of people who suffered for the sake of the Gospel; however, we are also to recognize that the cross shows us that Christ is present in grief & understands our suffering. On the cross (Christ’s greatest act of love), we saw that grief and suffering was present Christ’s tears, anguish and uncertainty of the future.
Recently Stephen colbert was interviewed by Anderson Cooper, and spoke in much depth about being grateful for all parts of life, including times of pain and suffering. Listen to this interview, and I encourage you to reflect on what you think.
Transitions can redefine our purpose and relationships.
In all of the scripture passages, we see that people turn from inward reflection to outward service towards other hurting people.
For Naomi, when she was suffering the loss of her family (she was alone~ no support, no inheritance, no children), the initial responsibility of “work” was taken over by Ruth. However, as time passed, Naomi was able to find a new purpose and identity in helping Ruth establish herself in the community. In fact, Naomi was even able to rejoice in God’s grace, knowing that what she lost is not replaced, but joy slowly was returning to her.
In the New Testament reading, the word “comfort” is mentioned about 9 times. The route of this in Latin is “fortis”/brave. In this context, we may consider that Christian comfort brings courage & enables coping. Two things which allow us to “Refine” our purpose after a large transition.
In the Gospel reading, we see Christ speaking to his disciples in a “farewell” discourse. Something that is far too complex to completely dissect. However, we can see that the relationship between the disciples and God is about to change. It will no longer be in seen the flesh, but defined by grief turning to joy, due to the resurrection of the Lord. And the joy will be lasting because of the presence of the spirit that will descend to the earth.
The gift of the sacrifice of Christ is that God does it too, and we are not alone in pain. The result is that, like christ, we are then able to comfort others.
For me, the prime example where this re-definition of relationship and purpose has been reflected in an awareness of the presence I can provide when other people loose family members, as well as being able to provide peer support to other women experiencing post-partum mood disruptions.
Leaving space for the grief and providing presence in the time of transition. Again, what are some of the emotions that you identified earlier? Anecdotally, When my dad died, I became acutely aware of the relationship between light and dark, life and death, the sacred and secular. So much that I tattooed a poem on my arm (and I HATE poetry) that reflected that space. Hafiz has an amazing way of leaving space for tears, loneliness, bitterness or tears.
In the old testament reading, we see that Naomi allowed herself to feel many emotions (being empty with no purpose, bitter and resentful, anger (even at God)) and wanted to be alone to suffer in isolation. It is quite likely that she was NOT a nice person to be around at time: but we see Ruth sticks in with it. As we give ourselves permission to feel pain, we open ourselves up for support and love from others.
In all of this, we realize that it’s OK to blame God for the transition, grief, and pain. Because we can see on the Cross that He can handle us blaming him. Logically, it makes sense to me that if we can blame God for pain, we must also believe that he can heal it. In fact, Paul encourages the Corinthians to come boldly to the Cross in a time of need, where Grace is encountered in a time of need. Looking to the cross, and the person of Christ, it is the prime example of where God reveals himself. We must seek God where he revealed himself in the world: that is, in Christ.
Conclusion:
We must remember that our peace is in Christ, not in circumstance… he understands the troubles we face, even when others may not.
So, take courage, because Christ has overcome the world. The character of Jesus shows us that Grief can be turned to joy, because of the cross and resurrection. Not only do we see that, but we know that we have lasting joy because of the presence of the spirit given to us. Jesus was not alone because of the fathers presence, and we are then able to develop that fellowship with God as well.
First, I want to ask you to think about a time in your life that you have experienced a significant transition. What emotions did you experience? Was it excitement, anticipation, fear, grief, loneliness?
For me, there have been a few notable times of transition.
- The summer of 2012, when I moved to Vancouver, started my career as a wife, unexpectedly lost my sister to her mental illness, and got married.
- When my father died, in 2017.
- When I was given the opportunity to be a mother, with the birth and arrival of Baby Haines.
Second, I want you to read the following Scripture readings:
- Old Testament: Ruth 1:3-5, 7-13 and 19-21 (you’re welcome to read 3-21, if thats easier!)
- New Testament: 2 Corinthians 1:1-7
- Gospel: John 16:12-33
Grief does not always equal suffering.
There is a difference between suffering for the sake of God, and personal suffering. We ought not confuse those things. While, as followers of Christ, we are often called into suffering with him, we also know of the redemptive power of christ. There are many examples in history of people who suffered for the sake of the Gospel; however, we are also to recognize that the cross shows us that Christ is present in grief & understands our suffering. On the cross (Christ’s greatest act of love), we saw that grief and suffering was present Christ’s tears, anguish and uncertainty of the future.
Recently Stephen colbert was interviewed by Anderson Cooper, and spoke in much depth about being grateful for all parts of life, including times of pain and suffering. Listen to this interview, and I encourage you to reflect on what you think.
Transitions can redefine our purpose and relationships.
In all of the scripture passages, we see that people turn from inward reflection to outward service towards other hurting people.
For Naomi, when she was suffering the loss of her family (she was alone~ no support, no inheritance, no children), the initial responsibility of “work” was taken over by Ruth. However, as time passed, Naomi was able to find a new purpose and identity in helping Ruth establish herself in the community. In fact, Naomi was even able to rejoice in God’s grace, knowing that what she lost is not replaced, but joy slowly was returning to her.
In the New Testament reading, the word “comfort” is mentioned about 9 times. The route of this in Latin is “fortis”/brave. In this context, we may consider that Christian comfort brings courage & enables coping. Two things which allow us to “Refine” our purpose after a large transition.
In the Gospel reading, we see Christ speaking to his disciples in a “farewell” discourse. Something that is far too complex to completely dissect. However, we can see that the relationship between the disciples and God is about to change. It will no longer be in seen the flesh, but defined by grief turning to joy, due to the resurrection of the Lord. And the joy will be lasting because of the presence of the spirit that will descend to the earth.
The gift of the sacrifice of Christ is that God does it too, and we are not alone in pain. The result is that, like christ, we are then able to comfort others.
For me, the prime example where this re-definition of relationship and purpose has been reflected in an awareness of the presence I can provide when other people loose family members, as well as being able to provide peer support to other women experiencing post-partum mood disruptions.
Leaving space for the grief and providing presence in the time of transition. Again, what are some of the emotions that you identified earlier? Anecdotally, When my dad died, I became acutely aware of the relationship between light and dark, life and death, the sacred and secular. So much that I tattooed a poem on my arm (and I HATE poetry) that reflected that space. Hafiz has an amazing way of leaving space for tears, loneliness, bitterness or tears.
In the old testament reading, we see that Naomi allowed herself to feel many emotions (being empty with no purpose, bitter and resentful, anger (even at God)) and wanted to be alone to suffer in isolation. It is quite likely that she was NOT a nice person to be around at time: but we see Ruth sticks in with it. As we give ourselves permission to feel pain, we open ourselves up for support and love from others.
In all of this, we realize that it’s OK to blame God for the transition, grief, and pain. Because we can see on the Cross that He can handle us blaming him. Logically, it makes sense to me that if we can blame God for pain, we must also believe that he can heal it. In fact, Paul encourages the Corinthians to come boldly to the Cross in a time of need, where Grace is encountered in a time of need. Looking to the cross, and the person of Christ, it is the prime example of where God reveals himself. We must seek God where he revealed himself in the world: that is, in Christ.
Conclusion:
We must remember that our peace is in Christ, not in circumstance… he understands the troubles we face, even when others may not.
So, take courage, because Christ has overcome the world. The character of Jesus shows us that Grief can be turned to joy, because of the cross and resurrection. Not only do we see that, but we know that we have lasting joy because of the presence of the spirit given to us. Jesus was not alone because of the fathers presence, and we are then able to develop that fellowship with God as well.
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