Thursday, May 25, 2017

A few good cries.

I had a good cry a few nights ago, one of those "sit on the bathroom floor and sob your eyes out into a washcloth" types of cries.  That was the second one of those in the last month.  Things have not been easy recently.  Writing things like this is not easy either.  there is worry in making things "public."

The first cry came in late April, when I separated my shoulder (AC joint) which was a big bummer...  even though I have been able to get back to some activities, and my range of motion is basically back, it is this consistent, dull ache that niggles me all the time. I want to be able to go out an do things, I even did a road ride the other night, against my physio's advice.  And, guess what?  the past two days have been really painful.

After my good cry the other night, Sean and I went out for dinner last night.  We spoke about the nitty gritty about things that have been going on recently: how we are both coping with our relationship these days.  I've been struggling lately:  I worry a lot that if I am feeling hurt, or lonely, or frustrated, etc., that I cannot express it to Sean.  I don't want to burden him more than what he is dealing with himself.  However, I also recognize that at some base, he is able to take care of me.

and that is just one of so many thoughts/feelings.  They just keep going.

I get really frustrated... like REALLY annoyed at depression. it kills joy, it increases isolation, and it makes pain more unbearable.  It needs to go away, but the solution is not easy or fast.  I just wish that it was more obvious.

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