5 years Of missing Rebecca
5 years ago, I crumpled on the sidewalk of Cordova and Dunlevy streets in vancouver, as my dad was speechless on the phone as he called me to say my sister had died. Grief changes, but I learn that it will never likely leave.
Today, as I do every year, Rebecca was high in my thoughts. Every year, I don't know what I will do to remember this day. I didn't do much today. However, I know what I am going to do..
A few years ago, we participated in a public inquiry into her death. You can watch a clip here: https://globalnews.ca/news/2072798/i-dont-want-other-people-to-die-inquiry-begins-into-alberta-hospital-drug-death/
As a result of that inquiry, we have a binder of pages filled with Alberta hospital policies, nursing notes, vital signs, and hand written memories of my sister. It is filled with the "evidence" of my sisters final months with us. Months filled with hard times. I've often wondered what I would do with this binder... it does no good to my spirit to read it, it only brings sadness. It will not be needed in the future, and there are other copies out there. It almost Seems that in keeping it here, it keeps her here too. It doesn't allow us to heal, or to let go of here.
Ashes to ashes, and dust to dust.
I will follow that thought, and at some point in the next few days, I will burn the pages of this legal report. As I do so, I will pray, I will remember, and I will cry. I will trust the Lord that he has surrounded her in love, and that she no longer suffers the pain of her illness. I will watch the smoke rise as a reminder of her spirit rising to be with the Creator. And as I remember, I will be thankful for the short life that she was given, and the light that she brought to this world.
Today, as I do every year, Rebecca was high in my thoughts. Every year, I don't know what I will do to remember this day. I didn't do much today. However, I know what I am going to do..
A few years ago, we participated in a public inquiry into her death. You can watch a clip here: https://globalnews.ca/news/2072798/i-dont-want-other-people-to-die-inquiry-begins-into-alberta-hospital-drug-death/
As a result of that inquiry, we have a binder of pages filled with Alberta hospital policies, nursing notes, vital signs, and hand written memories of my sister. It is filled with the "evidence" of my sisters final months with us. Months filled with hard times. I've often wondered what I would do with this binder... it does no good to my spirit to read it, it only brings sadness. It will not be needed in the future, and there are other copies out there. It almost Seems that in keeping it here, it keeps her here too. It doesn't allow us to heal, or to let go of here.
Ashes to ashes, and dust to dust.
I will follow that thought, and at some point in the next few days, I will burn the pages of this legal report. As I do so, I will pray, I will remember, and I will cry. I will trust the Lord that he has surrounded her in love, and that she no longer suffers the pain of her illness. I will watch the smoke rise as a reminder of her spirit rising to be with the Creator. And as I remember, I will be thankful for the short life that she was given, and the light that she brought to this world.
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