Friday, January 28, 2011

it's the end of the week! and, it's OK!

and, i have 3 whole days of nothing really super duper scheduled... and, you know what that means?!!? it means i can work from home, decide any time during the day I want to work out, and get a little extra sleep. And, that makes me HAPPY!

this week has been a recovery week, and it came just in time. It's kinda funny, because as someone who has a degree in exercise physiology, and have spent some time learning about periodization, i know a decent amount about it. I also know that periodization occurs at different levels, and that sometimes, it is nice give yourself an extra little push~ allow your body to go through a bit of an overload. But, This week was not it. So, when I looked at my training week, when it was posted on sunday, and saw that my three week block was extended into a 4 week block, I had a little freak out. Not that I would mind having another heavier week, just that i was mentally (and, physically, it seemed) ready to have a recovery. I emailed coach, she just about shot training peaks for not uploading my week properly, and at the end of monday, i was rescheduled. thank you so much, mary!!!

recovery weeks mean that I can sleep more, i can be more flexible, and I can workout without worrying about thinking about what my heart rate is. I can just and, i love that. because now, at the end of the week, i feel like i am good to go again! i am recharged, per-sey, and I still have two days of recovery week left!

however, your hunger level is still the same. and, on tuesday, I have no idea what happened, but it was like felt totally out of control with what I was eating. And, so, in many ways, I just gave into it. And, after master's, while I was walking home at 9pm, and after i had had a chocolate milk, i walked by a pizza place. and, oh man, it smelled GOOOOOOD; so, in i went, and of course i wasn't going to get a whole pizza. but.. calZone? yes please. stuff that sucker with artichokes and spinach. with my steaming hot calzone, i happily walked home.

and, i got to thinking. because when you walk alone on cold winter nights, you think. I thought about a conversation, my roommate (Kim) and I had a few days ago. Sometimes, "it's" hard.

what is hard, you ask?

well, the way she put it. "i try to eat right. i try to exercise, i try to be environmentally friendly, i try to do well at school... etc" but, there are other things as well... i try to be a good girlfriend, I try to think about others and not be selfish, i try to only buy items that i need, i try to do charitable work, i try to stay tidy, i try to be a good family member, i try to be a good athlete.

there are a lot of things we try to do.

and, there are so many things that we, on a daily basis, make choices to try to do well.

And, it is hard. now, as someone with a foundation in faith, i don't stress a whole lot about really screwing things up. for, if i place my trust in god, and try to live a life of service, then, i am really not going to F up too badly. but, it still is challenging. and, you know, as i munched happily on that calzone, i remembered how important it is to allow ourselves to just chill sometimes. how important it is to allow ourselves to say "today, it is OK if I throw a milk-bottle in the garbage instead of the recycling bin, because I don't really feel like walking around with it for the next couple hours." "it is ok if i watch a movie instead of staring at my computer, doing no school work." "it is okay if today, i eat a pizza." "it is ok if i buy something i want, instead of not getting it." i truely believe that if we allow ourselves those times to relax, the "trying hard" becomes quite a bit easier.

so... it's ok. because it is hard.

on a sadder note, i heard some bad news this week. And, if you read this, and you know who i am talking about, please respect their grieving. As you may remember, last year, I did a whole wack of fundraising for the leukemia and lymphoma society. I signed up, because a dear friend of mine's father was fighting a battle with Leukemia. Today is a week since he passed away. As a jewish family, they will be finishing "sitting shiva" today. This was part of the email that I got from her.

The doctors told us he wasn't going to make it past a week so we brought him home and just kept him comfortable. We ended up having some very beautiful moments with him and were able to tell him everything we'd want to before he left us.

He died peacefully with my mom, my brother and myself by his side. The funeral was quick (as it is in Jewish tradition) and we are now mourning the loss of my wonderful incredible dad with family.

So, today, I offer a requiem:
Grant unto him eternal rest, O Lord, and let light perpetual shine upon him. May he rest in Peace.


Kelly said...

Great post, Amelia. I totally know what you are talking about when it comes to trying too hard. I also think that those are the moments when we realize we were not created to do it all...we were created to trust in Him to help us.

Bonnieupnorth said...

Sorry to hear about your friend's dad!