Sunday, August 8, 2010

hard to concentrate...

(I love the RHCP song which this title is based on...)

the race, this morning, in calgary, was not bad. but, it was not great. I will write a detailed report tomorrow, when I am a bit more concious, and a little bit more focused, with my results.

I got 4th in my age group, 9th OA woman.
the course was long (about 10.75km for the run, 41km for the bike)
i got blisters on my feet, because i made the stupid decision of not putting my socks on for the run.
bike was good.
swim was the slowest and hardest that i have had, since my first OLY in July 2008. i almost thought that I was going to have my first DNF. thank god I didn't.
despite it possibly raining, it didn't. and, that made me happy.

Today, I had a the beginnings of a conversation that started to get to the very route of my being. a conversation that will continue to go on longer.

I have recently been given a gift that is the something which challenges me to be a better person. a gift that challenges me to be more like christ, because it challenges me to think of someone else, more than i think about myself. I have recently been given a gift that is amazing. and beautiful. and something i may have never been given before.

this conversation, and this gift, continuously has made me remember how the things we go through, people we meet, and circumstances we encounter in life form us into who we are today: the good, and not so good. the way we choose to act, and the unconscious reactions that we just do. and, it is not so much that our past defines who we are. we do not have to be held captive to the things of our past, they just tend to influence some of the things we do.

it is likely that I will say things that i do not mean to say.
it is likely that I will not do the things that i do not mean to do.
it is likely that I will be selfish, and forget to think of other people, before i think of myself.
it is likely that I will forget to trust, forget to extend grace and show mercy, forget to rely on faith, and forget to love.

every day, we wake up, with a series of decisions to make. do i wake up, or stay in bed? do i phone so and so. do I help out in the house, or at school, or at work? do i choose to be positive, or be upset, angry and have a negative outlook on life? do I choose to walk forward into the good things, even though they may be unknown, scary, and risky?

i pray that every day, I can wake up and say 'yes. i will not be defined by the things of my past, or be scared of everything that is different or new or makes me feel vulnerable. i choose to have a positive outlook. i choose faith, hope, love. i choose to go beyond my fears, and experience something new. I choose the good things in life.'

i choose life.

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