yikes. with a title like that. you would think that with a title like the one above, there is going to be a super long post that will follow. this might be so...
Race, well, it was interesting. You can see the breakdown of my run (in time, placement, etc) HERE. Some people don't like to write times on a public place. but, with sites such as THIS ONE they are pretty easy to find. and, i kinda like that. You can stalk opponents, and catch up with your friend's results.
so, back to the run. After a training week that did not go as planned last week, I was rested, and my legs feeling ready to go. I was in low anticipation of the predicted crappy weather. and, i was sandwiching the run inbetween sessions of a Rowing Canada Coaching clinic. I ran into more people than I would've expected, prior to the race. Got a good little warm up in. the last minute pee. debated about if I was keeping my long sleeves on, or going lighter (glad I kept the long sleeves!). and, went to the sheep corral.
race started well. it was kinda strange to think that I haven't ran a 1/2 in over a year. and, so it was feeling a little strange, b/c it was almost like i had forgotten what it should feel like. the first Km, I started, looked at my pace, and damn it. waayyyyy too slow. and, you know, you are supposed to go slow. but, i thought: dang it. if i keep it like this, i am *never* going to get my time.
and, maybe that was my first point of defeat. and, maybe i panicked a bit. i tried to pick it up so that i was hitting my hoped pace. and, I did pretty good. my HR was fairly even most of the way though. I felt *quite* good, all the way to 17/18km. i was even starting to negative split the Km's. 'cause I really wanted to break 1:45, or get as close to possible to 1:40. i want to feel a 1:40. this is the 3rd 1/2 that i have run in the 1:46/47 range. i mean... if not 1:40... at least break 1:45? please?! but it wasn't to come on sunday.
things that I changed from previous 1/2's. I ran through the water stations. I watched my watch for pacing. i focused more on technique. it wasn't until about km 18, but at that point, i felt like crap. head started pounding. and, despite the fact that I was keeping a decent pace, i didn't feel like i was going to be able drop the hammer with 2 km to go. my left IT was searing (really!?!? that niggle again!? you haven't shown up all season. why now, during a race?!). and, the wind was really not helpful in turning the last corner. and, my nutrition (in way of hydration) didn't hit like it should have.
i could tell the nutrition is key. 'cause my recovery during the afternoon was awful. and, 1/2 marathons aren't meant to hurt that much. so, something was not right. we just have to figure out what it was.
it was hard. but, i can't be disappointed. i mean, it was in the range of a PB. i got 29th/145 in my age group. i paced decently. i hit a predicted time, despite crappy weather (and feeling at some points like i was in a trail run, due to the puddles!) and crappy winds. and, it is a start. it was the first race of the season. if this was august, I would be concerned. but, it is april. so, I am not concerned. it shows where to start, and where to go forward from.
the question will be if I can hit that time after a bike.... this, we shall see. stay tuned.
This week, i was back in montreal, for a number of things. mostly to write my physiology and nursing 511 exams. as sunday turned to monday, and monday turned into the evening, and I was supposed to be writing physiology in the morning, my panic got higher and higher. I can't write this exam. I don't know anything about this! i mean, i know. but, i don't know. so, I made the descision, like I did with Pathology, to defer the exam until august. So, I will write my finals in Aug.
and, that was a hard decision. and, i think that I analyzed my freak outs, and discovered that it is not so much the putting off of the exam. or, not so much knowing that it is the right thing to do. but, it is far more that it feels wrong. it feels abnormal. I have never deferred an exam. I have never just "not wrote" my final. and, this time, i have had to. and, that doesn't feel right. it doesn't feel fair that I have been able to not write it, but my classmates did. that they had to go through the stress, and i was able to say "i'll do it later." it feels wrong.
and, it is not so much that i dread to write a exams in august, it is that i dread the limbo that I am now it. I will have a conditional acceptance into the M.Sc portion of my degree. I am now in limbo until august. and, there is not much more that I hate, than limbo. and, uncertainty. sometimes I just wish that I could plan, and that I could organize. but, i know that life does not work like that. and, so far... well, let's just say that I haven't been drastically upset by the failures, or changes, or limbos that I have faced in life thus far. so far... well, with all comparisons, and all perspectives, life is good :)
going back to Ottawa tonight.
i know my mum anticipates my return. And, you know? it is weird to be on the other side of things. to not be a paitent. to not be a nurse. to just be a family member. someone who is there, without an exceptionally specific role. i just sit. I keep company. I help when needed. I try to advocate in any way needed. I do tasks like phone insurance co's and make sure that things are going okay.
but, let me tell you. there are some BAD nurses, and some BAD orderlies out there. and, if i see you not respect the rights of my mum? well. you will hear from me.
I hope that she moves through the rehab quickly, and efficiently, and we can get her home to edmonton soon, and as planned. and, with the insurance not blowing a big hissy fit.
that is it for today!!! thanks for reading the long blog.
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