Saturday, March 13, 2010

when feeling like crap overpowers the guilt...

that has been the theme this week with my work outs: does the guilt of missing a workout overpower the feeling like crap my body is sensing, or, does the feeling like canned crap overpower the guilt of missing a workout?

I have been sick this week. it started on sunday, and today is the first day that i can actually say "i feel better." Yesterday consisted of a lot of jammie time, a lot of bed time, and some movie watching time. Days like that, does the body good. but, like I said, when the body is sick, every single athlete goes through the questioning of "Am i too sick?? Is missing this workout going to be a benefit, or a loss?" and, there is always the tried and true "is your sickness above or below the shoulders?" line to say a yes or no to a work out. but, I struggled with that a lot this week, because, recently it has seemed like there has been a lack of consistency with my week-to-week programming, in my mind. and, as soon as I am getting to a heavier week, something goes wrong. But, i know it is not quite true. I have been able to get *most* of my workouts this week. Some of them have been easier than others, and at other times i have definitely said "nope, that was a bad decision." like yesterday, in the pool. on the first of 10x100 free recording your times, i was wheezing. i was hacking. i got out.

felt a little defeated. but, i know. i know. if i were not me, i would tell me to rest. feel good now, so that later you can feel great. where the guilt comes, though, is as you get closer and closer to race time. every training period is important. because every training builds on the thing before.

i rarely get sick. and, i hate being sick, when I am. ugh.
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in other news,
this week from crazy busy land is done. relatively harm free. my mind these days seems to be running on overdrive. last night, despite the fact that I was tired and feeling ill, i had to take a gravol to get myself calm enough to fall asleep. and, I can only sorta peg my finger on exactly what is going on.

My thoughts are being filled with school, and missing africa, and trying to stay in touch with people, and thinking about what the future does and doesn't look like, and hearing from friends that I haven't heard from in *years* and stressing out about this whole fundraising for team in training thing, and wishing that I had taken an opportunity when it was presented, and hoping that it will present again.

I bought a plane ticket for the may long weekend to go home to vancouver for my old roommate's wedding up in northern BC. Super stoked about that one.

easter is soon. And, i love easter.

racing season is starting soon, and i love racing.

here is to hope because without hope, things become... lonely?

1 comment:

Kelly said...

All athletes go through those questions, I'm sure of it! Hope you are feeling better!