inspiration...

So, this video is pretty neat.  I watched it on Simon Whitfield's blog.  i love reading other athlete's blogs.  cause, it is soooo inspirational.  it is neat to read about people doing the things that they love to do.  but, winning the ironman world championships?!!?  now that is a great feat.  and, i love how he sounds so non-chalant about it.  

for the last couple days, i have had a hard time getting out of bed, and to make myself have a productive day. all i want to do is lay under the covers all day long.   something is just wearing a little thin on me these days.  my motivation. inspiration. drive. is at quite a low right now.  

i want to run this 1/2 marathon.  not for any reason, but to give myself a sense of accomplishment this fall.  running is so hard for me.  out of the three bits of a tri, it is the one i enjoy the least.  i just think that when you have to carry 174 lbs of weight by yourself, it is hard.  and, for some reason, i find it more boring than the others.  i read recently about how easy it is to run 20 minutes a day.  and, that seems reasonable.  so, maybe that will be my goal for next week.  run at least 20 minutes a day, and get the long run(s) in.  just to give my legs the feeling.  just to get my mind through this slump.  

last night, after a wine and cheese party with some of my friends, i missed my bus by 3 minutes.  and, at the time i was going home, the bus runs every 1/2 an hour.  i sat there, in the cold for a while.  

so, i dug into my bag, and i pulled out my journal, and started writing.  

and, you know when you just write.  whatever is on your mind.  and, i wrote about connection.  and, i asked what is it that i want from connection, and what i am scared about with connection.  and, sometimes i wish i were a better writer.  a writer to whom people could find inspiration, and connection.  but, meanwhile, writing is such a great outlet.  especially when you allow yourself to be completely honest in your writing. 

 the thing about connection, is that i truely believe that you can have a connection with someone who lasts a short time, and is unexplainable, and amazing.  and, then, you move forward from there, celebrating the connection, but continuing forward with a slightly changed outlook, but pretty much the same way that you were previous.  trail angels.  but, i wonder what happens when you want that connection to last longer, and you have no idea if it will, and you don't know what to do, or how to act and react? 

what happens then? how the heck do we go forward, not knowing what to do next?