so, today, during my swim, i thought about a few things.
syracuse will be the first tri that I have ever gone to, where I don't have a spectathlete. no one to make sure my stuff gets to the finish line. No one to give me a sweater when I am cold at the finish. it seems a little strange to be traveling to a race, with no one at my side. At least, I get to meet my teammates who are there!
but, mostly, i just wanted to tell you that it is not your fault... if, this week, i act a little strange.
... if i don't respond to non-urgent emails.
... if i don't care for much conversation outside of class time, or meeting time, or whatever time.
... if i am insistent on going to sleep at 10.
... if i don't want to answer questions about "how I am feeling" or "What i am thinking."
... if i ask you to be dropped off here or there, because i am choosing not to commute on my bike this week.
... if i spend a good amount of my free time, inside my room with my door closed.
... if i walk around in a little bit of a "daze," and don't notice if you are there.
because, i have other things on my mind.
this week, i will get spontaneous pangs in my stomach. ones that I generally cannot distinguish if it is nervousness, or if it is excitement.
this week, i will prioritize school and commitments and rest and efficient taper training. that generally means that I don't prioritize you. (well, okay. maybe you...)
this week, i will be thinking about how my bike is going to respond on this course.
if my nutrition plan will go as I hope.
if my swim will be another gong-show.
this week, i will be checking my email daily to await my race plan from coach mary.
i will be making lists in my head and on little pieces of paper so that i don't forget anything for the race.
i will have moments where you will just see me smiling, because i know that i love racing this distance, and I will be remembering what it feels like to cross that line.
what it feels like to soar on the bike.
to wait on a beach with those other women.
this week. i will race.
i will be wearing a light pink swim cap (yay!!! not another ugly red one!)
i will be sporting race number 1054.