and, it starts with this... the other night, i was reminded of this bible verse, from a journal entry that I had written years ago... i don't quite remember the senario that I wrote it in, but, it was quite appropriate for what happened to me this past weekend: Hebrews 13:2. Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels. There is this thought in hiking or outdoor communities that you meet "trail angels" along the way. Strangers that you have a large connection with, and help out in one way or another along the trail, and they do the same for you. Then, everyone just goes along on their own appropriate trail.
On Thursday, at the boarder crossing while I was riding the bus home, I met this friend. From LA, California; a fellow triathlon racer. J was traveling up the coast, spending time watching sport events, visiting friends, and wanting to hike in vancouver and whistler. So, naturally conversation was easy. The conversation lasted for the next 4 days. As we were talking, i offered for J to crash on our futon, or camp in our backyard. Conversation turned into a spontaneous race entry in the squamish triathlon, a hike up the grouse grind, and food.
And, I cannot proceed to even skim the surface of understanding of what happened in the next 4 days. all I know, was that it was perhaps like nothing else that I have ever experienced. all i know that somewhere during the weekend, There was something about finding a bike for him to race with. there was something about food. there was something about me beating him by a lot in the race, but still being amazed that he entered solely because he had just met me, even though he had not be training sufficiently. there was something about cuddling on a couch and holding hands for hours on monday morning, having conversation about life and non-profits, and superficial things, all the while pretending that it was the weekend, and that we didn't have to go anywhere. there was something about conversations about god and the bible. There was something about local cherries. there was something about a simple kiss on the cheek. there was something about sharing hitchhiking stories. there was something about my roommate wanting him to stay for longer. there was something about connection. there was something about "in this moment."
and, i don't quite know if it is fair. i dont think that it is fair that he swooped into town, and treated me to an unbelievable weekend in so many ways, then has to leave back to LA, and off to france to watch the end of the tour. i dont think it is fair that i have to sit here, wondering if what happened was real, or if i interpreted something different than reality. i dont think it is fair that i do not know when i will see him again... (but, there is also something about it being okay that it was so short, cause the whole thing was not pre-thought, or overanalyzed at any point... even now. it was what it was.)
and, i dont understand. I don't understand how after only meeting someone for 4 days, i can feel like i am devoid of something in my life. i don't understand how all these emotions can merge into one. i don't understand how someone can be seemingly so honest, and adventurous, and responsible, and caring, and have so many of the right words. i dont understand how 4 days can leave me feeling so messed up. i don't understand how my box of preconceptions of myself can be shattered so quickly.
and so, i go on. i continue on the long walk forward.
but meanwhile, it is nice to see words like this "sweet dreams, young one"
and this: "you are a strong, strong woman with a depth of femininity that is both refreshing and attractive."
and this: "your face has been dancing in my mind's eye... i'm still buzzing from the weekend"
in my inbox or on my cellphone... :)
was it a trail angel? where we his trail angels?
dear trail angel. come back to me sometime in this lifetime.
maybe sooner than later.
explain to me what happened. Because i know that you understand it better than i do.