Monday, January 28, 2008

to do something about something...

so, yesterday, I had a day that completely played on my emotions, apparently. But, I didn't realize it until today. It seemed like a fairly regular sunday, going out for my weekly coffee with friend's at the best coffee shop in Vancouver, Cafe artigiano, and then proceeding to church. I then decided to go back downtown, to go see the Finale of Umoja, the south african musical. I finished off the night, by going for a "long run" in my effort to train for my marathon.

coffee. church. downtown eastside (DTES). africa. run.

my weekly ritual. my secret refuge. a place that i should/could/want to be closer to. my passion. the desire for my body.

everytime i pass through the DTES (where my church happens to be located), or when i bike through, or when i take the bus through, there leaves a sense of longing. I look and i see drug addicts, and shit on the street, and poverty, and comradery, and mental illness, and some sense of need. i dont know what the DTES needs. it certainly doesn't need me. but, perhaps, i need it. i find myself wanting to be closer. really, actually, longing to live there. find a 400$ apartment, sell most of my belongings, and move on in. but, right now? i dont think that it is quite my time for that. but, how? how do i meet this need inside of me, to be there? to do something about something....

i also, out of a fluke from the night before, i found out that it would be the last day to see "umoja," a south african muscial. and, as you know, i love african dance, and i love africa, and i *love* hot black dancing/drumming african men. and, all it did was make me nostalgic. all I want to do is go to africa, with no time frame of when to return. I want to go, and to stay for a while. see where the wind blows, and discover what adventures lie ahead. to explore the northern sahara. to bike along the garden route in south africa. to embrace my liberian family. to find the man of my dreams. to get lost in the jungle of the DRC, and see the mountains of rwanda. to run with my sponsored child in mozambique, and dive with the sharks in capetown. to take the train in kenya, and climb mt kilimanjaro. to travel by boat on the nile, or lake victoria, and to see vic falls... to get lost in africa. to be there, and not tell anyone where i am. to do something about something.

finally, I went on a run. I am wanting to run the vancouver Full marathon, on the 4th of May. so, training is in go ahead mode. however, it has been really really hard. and, yesterday, on my long run (i was aiming for about 12.5 miles, i got close to 8.5), i feel. early in the run, I slipped on black ice, on ontario street. and, it hurt. alot. i now have a huge bruise on my lower left back/top of left ass, and on my left elbow (not the bad one!!!). so, i almost stopped. but, i did enough "positive self talk" that i got myself up, and kept on going. i had to stop early, because of the pain in my left leg and knee (and more impending ice of doom) from the fall? from weak legs? from bad knees (which i have never previously had?!?) I am training for this race, because all I want to do is feel like i can be physically active, without being in pain. i want to know that my body still can function to some degree without hurting. but, right now, it cant. and, it really sucks ass. my body is not supposed to be in pain every time i try to achieve an athletic endevour. good god, i want this body to function right. so, that i can just do something about something....

1 comment:

Bonnieupnorth said...

Hope you are having a sacred Sunday with all of your routines on your day "off". Re-read some of your recent comments on dreams and passions and how they change. Your comments and nostalgia on Africa are one example of the experiences of the past that have given you the passion and motivation for the future, and still, knowing you abit, of a struggle to stay in the present.I think there is a saying that goes " Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday and all is well, for yesterday is but memories and tomorrow but hopes and dreams." I think your ability to dream and see the big picture you got from your dad and the practice of writing it down from your mom. Sometimes I' ll share with you some of my writings at 25, which for me is more than half a life time ago and alot of "life " in between. Keep on dreaming but remember the "to do" list. TTYS