it is all about terminology...

I slept in till 9am this morning :D my body originally woke me up at 7, but I don't have to be anywhere until 11. And, I can workout this afternoon. oh sleep ins and french press coffee and egg scrambles during a leisurely breakfast. bliss!

last week was a funny week for me in terms of training, and all things tri.

• I had a day early in the week where i was having "a fat day" and i weighed myself, and I was up 4 pounds. or something shocking like that. but, less than a week prior, i had weighed myself at normal. and, it wasn't like I have been mcdonald's or something all weekend long. it made no sense to me, and I wonder how that happens. i have no idea what causes your weight to flutuate like that.
• i entered two races. yessss! so excited about mooseman. since then, it seems like i am meeting someone every second day who has competed in it.
• I did my first training run with team in training and, ran with the "marathon" group, rather than the 1/2 group. b/c mary has me on a plan. and, i will stick to that plan. and the plan was to run for an hour. not 4km. you will notice that on the top left corner, I have 2 links. one is a blog for the girls in my school who are doing this race. the other: my sponsorship page. Please take the time to look at both, and to donate some money. also, please take the time to link my fundraising page to your blog. I need all the help I can get. will you help by getting people that you know to donate to the Leukemia and Lymphoma society!?
  
• lost my HRM strap. but, thankfully I have an amazing teammate who has an extra, and will get it to me.
• i convinced one of my friends to train for a tri. exciting!
• on friday, I was sooooo extremely low motivation. one of those days where you come home, you are tired and hungry. (it's friday!!!) i ate crap (a piece of cake), then had a nap for an hour. that does not play nice for then needing to bike for an hour. it seemed as if I tried everything I could, so that I would not have to bike. but... as always. once I got going, it was so nice.

a year and a half ago, when i was getting ready for my first tri ever, and even after my 3rd tri, I always had a hard time calling myself a triathlete. sure, I was competing in them. i even was winning my category. but, i wasn't calling myself a triathlete... what i would say is "i do triathlons." i mean, you can go dancing, but you wouldn't consider yourself a dancer. I have recently found myself saying "i am a triathlete." and, i think what changed, is the moment that you put consistent money, and time, and make something a priority is the moment that you become "something." it is the moment that when you wake up from sleep, you think "hmmm, what am i going to do today, which will make me more likely to succeed in doing _______." fill in whatever you love to do. triathlon. school. career. travel.

anyway. i am a triathlete. (i think) and i am proud of that.

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in the past couple days I have also had the opportunity to look back at some of the decisions and relationships in my life, and evaluate where i am today. one of those conversations was with a doctor, who i was following during my stage on thursday. the question was "so, why didn't you pursue medical school." to say "i fail when i write the MCAT" or "i didn't want to commit another 8 years of my life to school" or "i wanted to move on with life" or "i am not quite sure i like the way most MDs are taught, and practice" didn't quite seem appropriate. (despite them being true parts of the reason.)

but mostly, it was because i realized that the things i wanted to do as a MD, i can do as a nurse. and... because nursing is soooo much more about the relationship.
but, that doesn't mean that sometimes, i think that being a doctor would've been *really* cool. but, i think that is because part of me likes the status that comes with being a Doc. and, i don't want that to be a motivator behind the things i do.

i had the chance yesterday to go out for a nice long cafe talk with a friend of mine yesterday. and, any time that you talk about the deep, vulnerable parts of people's lives, it allows you to think about all the things that have made you the person you are. you remember the times of your life where you were your most vulnerable, and the people who made you like that, or the people who allowed you to be like that, and the people who walked beside you at that part of life. that part of life where it seemed like what you were going through was never going to end. and that part of your life where it seemed like no one else would understand your daily struggles.

and, i am glad for that part of my life. because it plays into who I am today... (this is part of an email that i sent:

to remember that we all have our own journey's~ that none of us are "further along" or viceversa, than another. they are just different journey's. (and, it is crazy, because sometimes I hesitate in bringing up "my real goals" in life, or absolutely everything that i do. b/c I try to do my very best to live a life which does not make people feel like I am achieving things that they wish to achieve... if i am living a life that makes people feel lesser like that, i am not at all being a person that i want to be. [I am going to be a bit "christian" here, so i can explain myself more fully... ] The reason being, is that i don't feel like the things i do, or the things i want to do in my life are out of any of my own abilities. I have been given gifts, and passions and circumstances and abilities [like we all have been given], by god, and he is the one who will finish them to completion. It is not me. i can't can't take any credit for it. )

one of the things that we learn in this journey called life, is that we have no control over others’ emotions or behavior, and we do not cause others to feel and behave the way they do... other people are responsible for their feelings and behavior just as we are for ours. it is that whole being held captive feeling, and taking care of our path forward.

i guess that we are all in this continual stage of learning. we are lifetime learners. and, at different parts of our lives, we will all go through different lessons that teach us different things. and, it is very important to identify those things. sometimes, though, figuring it out at the time that you are experiencing it, is hard.
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my rowing team is doing a erg competition today. I almost thought about competeing. but then i remembered: I HATE erg tests. why would i submit myself to that again?!!? no valid reason too. so, i will go. I will coach. and i will leave, being thankful that I don't have to do an erg test if i don't want to ;)