dreaming over the ocean

Some folks have recently been asking me about how my chat went at Church a few weeks ago. I think it went really well, and I enjoyed the process of preparing for it. It was meaningful for me, and I think meaningful for the folks who heard me speak. At least I saw a few tears, which always mean something was relevant! First, I want to ask you to think about a time in your life that you have experienced a significant transition. What emotions did you experience? Was it excitement, anticipation, fear, grief, loneliness? For me, there have been a few notable times of transition. The summer of 2012, when I moved to Vancouver, started my career as a wife, unexpectedly lost my sister to her mental illness, and got married. When my father died, in 2017. When I was given the opportunity to be a mother, with the birth and arrival of Baby Haines. Those times were all filled with huge emotions. A sense of shifting responsibility, a relief because my loved ones were no longer suffering, a ...

I had a good cry a few nights ago, one of those "sit on the bathroom floor and sob your eyes out into a washcloth" types of cries.  That was the second one of those in the last month.  Things have not been easy recently.  Writing things like this is not easy either.  there is worry in making things "public." The first cry came in late April, when I separated my shoulder (AC joint) which was a big bummer...  even though I have been able to get back to some activities, and my range of motion is basically back, it is this consistent, dull ache that niggles me all the time. I want to be able to go out an do things, I even did a road ride the other night, against my physio's advice.  And, guess what?  the past two days have been really painful. After my good cry the other night, Sean and I went out for dinner last night.  We spoke about the nitty gritty about things that have been going on recently: how we are both coping with our relationship thes...

Its pretty hard to believe that I have lived in Squamish for 8 months!  We seem like such new residents, and it is so strange to continually have conversations about "how long have you been here, wow! ok!"  There is no question in my mind that this was a bad decision.  However, lets talk about the good and the bad. The Good: Mountains.  We see lots of animals: bears, salmon, bald eagles, deer, mysterious animals in the forest that you cant see, birds, snakes.  There is so much to do!  Being outside is Squawesome, and it is so much fun to learn new things.  Mountain biking is great, and challenging. Trail running is way better than road running.  I want to paddle board, I want to get back into camping. Our neighbourhood is awesome.  Almost like the condo community in Vancouver, but with yards houses.  Good Facebook group, lovely conversations while walking the trails around our house. Farmers markets, and craft markets.  Suc...

Today, Vancouver is grey grey grey.  You might think "isn't Vancouver always grey?" Nope, my friends, it is not.  This past fall has been beautiful~ many cold, sunny, crisp fall days.  It has been beautiful.   This is a photo  that Sean took today.  See: grey. With a the change in weather yesterday, unfortunately came a headache.  This is quite common for me, having suffering from migraines since I was a kid.  This wasn't a "doosy" but, enough for me to fall into a drug induced sleep, early last night.  I woke up not feeling awesome today, included a crappy gut for some reason.  So, I called in sick.  It often feels unnatural for me to do nothing. Today, I am doing nothing.  It's kinda great. I walked the dog at trout lake, and I have... err... bought myself a new ipad mini!  eeeeeeee :) early christmas gift from me, to me!  Unfortunately, I already screwed up with the password, and have had to reset it to factory...

If you are Canadian, this has been big week in Media.  Perhaps a HUGE week in media. First, we had the tragic events in the Capital.  Where a man, Michael Zehaf-Bibeau, armed with a shot gun that held a maximum of 8 rounds, ran to the war memorial & gunned down an unarmed solider.  He then proceeded to walk into the parliament building, towards the conservative and NDP caucus meetings.  He was then shot down by Sargent-at-Arms, who emptied his semi-automatic side arm, into the chest of the man. Second, late last week, we have had (argueably) the most beloved radio-host in Canada, fired from the national broadcasting corporation, CBC .  He was fired, apparently, because of his fetishes and sexual acts.  As you know, there are reports that at least 3 women state that it was non-consensual acts of violence and domination. Let me be clear: I do not condone acts of violence.  Not towards individuals, groups, or nations.  I grieve with our ...

When I was out for my long run yesterday, in the brisk winter evening, I was thinking a little bit about dedication and follow through.   I think that has been a bit of a theme recently, and it was at the front of my mind yesterday, following a bit of a "bust" with a yoga fundraiser. I have always believed that once you commit to something, you should follow through with it.  I was once having a conversation, mid-way through my first M.Sc Degree (which I loathed), and the person asked me why I was continuing doing something I was not enjoying.  To me, it was because I started.  I couldn't just stop... maybe it would mean defeat, maybe it would feel like I was pulling out of a commitment. I just knew I had to finish.  This may not be the same for everyone, but it is for me. In my life now, I see this theme repeating itself, over and over again.  It happens in Triathlon. for Malawi. for God. Yesterday, after a few weeks of trying to get some information...

I can't remember exactly what motivated it back in 2004, but all I remember is that fall I wanted to be a better person.  I wanted to be a better rower~ so I started riding a road bike.  I wanted to be a better student~ so i set apart a dedicated study time.  I wanted to build my faith~ so i dedicated to a quiet time.  I wanted to deal with a broken relationship~ so I sought counselling. I remember my senior year at WVU as being a year that I grew a lot.  Let's do a throw back to that year: New years 2005 in Key Largo with some of the most quality people in the world. The reason why i mention this, is somehow this fall, I am feeling that motivation again~  it's building in the past few weeks.  The motivation to be a better person.  Maybe it comes as part of my off season from Triathlon, and I have more time on my hands... maybe it comes out of a trip to visit my brother and his family.  Maybe it comes with the autumn season, where the...

Recently, i have had conversations about how the 3 different disciplines of triathlon always cause a little bit of a different result in terms of what i think about, or focus on, during my workout.   In swimming, I am totally able to focus on technique, my mind doesn't wander very often, and i like to focus in on exactly what i am doing, feeling, and seeing.   In  biking, I tend to think about the now.  what is going on in my life now, what are the conversations I am experiencing, what is going on later in the day, or this week, or what just happened.  In running, i tend to experience the deep emotions.  I either feel like crying, and work through the hard things, or I become exceptionally inspired, and feel like I can change the world. This past sunday was a great training day.  I am finally starting to believe that I will be able to finish Challenge Penticton. In August, I will finish 3.8km of swimming, 180km of biking, and 42 km of running. ...

if this post works, I will be *thrilled.*  my internet is SO touch and go these days.  skype cuts in and out.  webpages just don't load. even at the college the other day, it took about 3 hours for one episode of "bones" to download.  i can't read any facebook notifications or messages, they just don't load (gasp.   what in the world am I going to do!??!   ha!)  emails may or may not load.  siiiiigh.  and, yet... I try.  I try to connect to the internet, even when the internet gods are telling me to cease and desist.   oh well. I am over my tizzy from last week.  And, I am SO glad about that.  The calm, the joy, the wonders of being here in Malawi have returned from lacking last week.  my grouchiness has past, and most days I am walking around with a little jump in my step again. except... I am sick.  I feel a little silly, because I am such a typical "muzungu" and, I automatically expect malaria.  "its ...

For the first time since being in Malawi, I have felt the pangs of homesickness.  And, it sucks.  homesickness just makes you feel sad, even if you are so happy with where you are.  I think it is due to a few factors: sean visited, and he went home last monday morning.  and, I miss him.  despite the fact that i am enjoying not cooking for myself, i am missing things like Big Ass Salads. and grapefruit. and smoothies.  and greek yogurt.  and things that are not deep fried. i am feeling like i am getting a rice gut.  and, i am getting some exercise (running 3x a week, swim 1x a week, and am starting to do yoga on the other days), but, it is just not the same.  I really really miss my bike.  riding on the back of a bicycle taxi is just not the same. i struggle with the balance of wanting people contact, but not wanting to spend all my time with ex-pats, and also not having found solid malawian friends yet.  i miss my friends. ...

So, this is a bit of a topic that i have wanted to write about for a bit of a time, but, i got to thinking about it a bit more this weekend, which kinda prompts a new post.... but, before we start that. this week is a sweet sweet recovery week. Today, in fact i have NO workout scheduled. Shocking. First day in a LONG time that i have not exercised. and, i am SO ready for the recovery week. My long workouts this weekend were hard. and, i felt my body having a challenging time with them. But, alas. i know that come the summer, I am going to appreciate the work that has been put in now. My coach, Mary , at train-this, knows what she is doing. and i like to believe that what she is doing is going to make me faster. so, this past weeks numbers: Swim: 2hrs 4800m Bike: 6hrs 15 min run: 4hr 32 min strength+yoga: 1hr30 total: 14hr 17 min SO, let's start off with why i was thinking about this particular subject. I did not have a all together "productive" weekend, in te...

and, i have 3 whole days of nothing really super duper scheduled... and, you know what that means?!!? it means i can work from home, decide any time during the day I want to work out, and get a little extra sleep. And, that makes me HAPPY! this week has been a recovery week, and it came just in time. It's kinda funny, because as someone who has a degree in exercise physiology, and have spent some time learning about periodization, i know a decent amount about it. I also know that periodization occurs at different levels, and that sometimes, it is nice give yourself an extra little push~ allow your body to go through a bit of an overload. But, This week was not it. So, when I looked at my training week, when it was posted on sunday, and saw that my three week block was extended into a 4 week block, I had a little freak out. Not that I would mind having another heavier week, just that i was mentally (and, physically, it seemed) ready to have a recovery. I emailed coach, she ...

(I love the RHCP song which this title is based on...) the race, this morning, in calgary, was not bad. but, it was not great. I will write a detailed report tomorrow, when I am a bit more concious, and a little bit more focused, with my results. I got 4th in my age group, 9th OA woman. the course was long (about 10.75km for the run, 41km for the bike) i got blisters on my feet, because i made the stupid decision of not putting my socks on for the run. bike was good. swim was the slowest and hardest that i have had, since my first OLY in July 2008. i almost thought that I was going to have my first DNF. thank god I didn't. despite it possibly raining, it didn't. and, that made me happy. ---------------------------- Today, I had a the beginnings of a conversation that started to get to the very route of my being. a conversation that will continue to go on longer. I have recently been given a gift that is the something which challenges me to be a better person. a gift tha...

welcome to my site, all those who are google searching "mooseman 2010 race report." it is in the next post down. HOPE YOU HAD A SUCCESSFUL 70.3 or DUATHLON! --------------------- so, i was thinking the other day, for a variety of reasons. and, it essentially led into a mode of thought which stated "if i needed someone to know the most important things about me, what would those 5 points be?" and, this is what I came up with. in no particular order. the most important. so important that it doesn't have a number. because it is the route of all the other points. My faith. My God.... defines who I am. And (almost) everything I do is because of his work in my life. he is my stability. my path to success. my ability. he is my north star. onto the other points. one: AFRICA. The continent that makes my heart beat. the place which holds my passion. I want to spend long amounts of time there, and dedicate my life to serving the people of that continent. Proba...

So, at about this time, last week, when I got my training schedule, I looked and got excited. Since I started working with Mary, i started with a nice easy 5-6 hrs a week. it then jumped to about 9, and then for two weeks, I have had 12 hr training weeks planned. The first one, I was a sick dog. so, it was hit and miss... this week, though... nailed it. some of the changes that have taken place: last saturday I did my first brick workout. 2hrs bike. 30 min run. and, despite the fact that it was raining ice, the whole workout felt amazing. totally one of those "let's get psyched!" workouts. this week, I discovered a 2.50$ yoga class at mcgill, that actually fits into my schedule. and, then I got the whole "oh yeah! go for yoga! it counts as functional training!" And, it reminded me of how much "progressive overload" is good for you. The whole thing about moving your body in new ways, is that it places a stress on it, and it has to accommodat...

Today, i had such a great weekend. skiing yesterday was amazing, the first time in about 10 years, i think. And, it was beautiful and sunny. but, dang, i am so sore today. hello hip flexors! hello lat's. it feels so good to be a little sore today. and then, at the end of the day, I participated in a "raclette" with some friends of mine from school. it was delicious. and, all of this, and a bit of the sermon at church this morning, (apparently, t he pope has just encouraged roman catholic priests to start blogging. ) got me thinking. why do I blog. a lot of people have asked me that before, and I guess i blog because i find that it is a nice way to get out some of my thoughts. it's a bit like a journal, and it is a way for people to keep up with me, when we don't get the chance to see each other often... you see, since i live a slightly nomadic lifestyle (i have lived, since I was 16 in the following places: mill bay BC, for 3 years. Morgantown WV for 4...