dreaming over the ocean

I had a good cry a few nights ago, one of those "sit on the bathroom floor and sob your eyes out into a washcloth" types of cries.  That was the second one of those in the last month.  Things have not been easy recently.  Writing things like this is not easy either.  there is worry in making things "public." The first cry came in late April, when I separated my shoulder (AC joint) which was a big bummer...  even though I have been able to get back to some activities, and my range of motion is basically back, it is this consistent, dull ache that niggles me all the time. I want to be able to go out an do things, I even did a road ride the other night, against my physio's advice.  And, guess what?  the past two days have been really painful. After my good cry the other night, Sean and I went out for dinner last night.  We spoke about the nitty gritty about things that have been going on recently: how we are both coping with our relationship thes...

recently, you may have read in our family christmas newsletter a bit about our family story with depression.  One of the amazing things that came out of that was the amount of people who reached out and said things like "I never knew" and "thanks for saying something" and "i'd be glad to talk."  The moment you say something is the moment you take away shame and secrecy.   The most touching gift was one from Ontario.   A small book. As you know, we have two dogs: the lovely distinguished big dog (ilala) and the crazy wild little dog (arrow). However, this book reminded me of the third dog we live with... A black dog.  You can see the story in the following video.   I had a black dog, his name was depression. on Vimeo .  It's a World Health Organization illustration, and it does a good job with the metaphor. One of the problems though, is that i really recognize, now, more than ever, some of my concepts and beliefs about recovery from mental ...

The new year is here, and I haven't written my "100 best things of 2016" post yet.  I promise I will write it before the end of the month!  If you got our Christmas newsletter, you will know that 2016 wasn't always a walk in the park. It was not bad, it just was not always easy.  Honestly, I don't know that 2017 will be any easier, but I certainly know that I have many things I am already looking forward too. Of course, one might ask if I have New Years resolutions.  I didn't have any, until today.  One of them is blogging more... sitting at my computer, and writing out my thoughts.  I have used this blog over the years for many reasons, but this year, I don't want to write about the things I have written about before.  Of course, posts might contain thoughts on racing, adventure, dogs, work, etc... cause, that's me!  But I want to get back to writing for the therapeutic aspect of it. I am going to write about being in the wife of someone who li...

Hello,   I am wanting to write about a public inquiry that is happening this week at the Edmonton courts, with the hopes that it might get covered in the news. My sister, Shaunnie Rebecca Payne, passed away in September 2012, while she was under care at Alberta Hospital. Rebecca was 31 when she passed away, after years going in and out of different facilities.  She was diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder, and had all the difficulties associated with it: couldn't hold down a job, difficult family relationships, housing troubles, substance use, etc. etc.  At any rate, long story short is that she was in Alberta Hospital in intensive care; after having been taken off her medications and started on Clozapine, she passed away suddenly.  On a Friday, she had a physical assessment by an MD, and then she was found dead in her bed on a  Sunday morning . The post-mortem indicated that she had a toxic amount of clozapine in her blood. No one knows “...